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Sarah Hewitson (SENA) on bringing up children with ADHD
Wednesday, 29th Oct 2008
I am no stranger to the demands and barriers of raising a child with ADHD and associated difficulties. I know how it feels to be pushed from pillar to post in search of answers and to feel I am somehow responsible for my son’s difficulties. I know from experience how it feels when no-one seems to be listening and nobody understands the pain, the pain that comes from feeling helpless as a parent and not knowing for sure how best to help my child. Some of you may have seen my embarrassment and frustration when my child will not accept reasoning of any sort (bribery and blackmail also…as a last resort only) and decides to publicly show his anger and distaste (supermarkets were a hotspot).
I have stood in the playground with all the parents’ eyes on me, knowing they’re blaming me for my son’s actions. I know now, they didn’t understand. I was not and am not a bad parent nor did my son misbehave because I was raising him on my own. He didn’t want to be in trouble constantly and didn’t (I feel) consciously try to get himself in to trouble his favourite phrase was “I can’t help it”, I wonder now, how much behaviour could he reasonably be responsible for? Was punishment the answer? How many people or professionals stop to listen to the child’s needs or to try and understand how they are feeling? What we both needed at that time was a little compassion, understanding and support.
I have fought medical professionals to hear my voice and listen to the needs of my child. I am currently fighting the Local Authority who fail to see my child as an individual and fail to listen to his views and what I know is best for my child, because as many of you know “Mother actually does know best!” and we also know our children better than any text book, better than anybody even. Our children are unique and individuals in their own right and shouldn’t be forced into a generalised “box”.
If I could have listened to someone like myself, years ago, those bleak moments may have been a little brighter. For someone to say, “I know what you’re going through” and to actually mean it and to really truly know. To be assured that things will get better and to be encouraged to be strong to fight for what is right and to hear it from someone that knows how difficult it can be would have been such a great gift. I wasn’t so lucky.
I would love to be able to commit more of my time to support other parents like myself, parents that are struggling as I did and to give assurances. I help to raise money for the ADHD support group through fundraising when ever I can, which can prove difficult time wise.
I am now in the final year of my degree (a year later than planned, but it’s almost impossible to have guarantees when you have children that take up an awful lot of your time and energy not to mention sanity.) Next year when I qualify as a teacher I hope to gain a job where I can offer understanding, respect, equality and offer the benefit of my hard years of experience with children who tend to be treated and viewed differently from the rest.
I hope with my words you can relate and they bring comfort to you knowing that you are not on your own. There are people who have been where you are….and have survived (honestly) and you will too. Sometimes you need to speak a little louder to be heard but with a little practise and perseverance things will inevitably get better.
Sarah Hewitson
(Bought and wears the t-shirt with pride)
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I know I’m not a bad parent, it just takes one moment . . .
Thursday, 01 May 2008
They’re the ones screaming on the floor of the supermarket aisle. They misbehave in class, cause problems in the playground, while on planes and trains they’re just a nightmare.
The cliche is that they’re naughty children of bad parents who allow them to do what they want and get away with anything. But Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects around one in 20 youngsters.
It has multiple causes including genetic, inherited and environmental factors.
Rachael - “You get over the situation by using your sense of humour.” Cara Ferguson admits she has left a trolley full of shopping and marched out of a supermarket because of the behaviour of her son.
But millions of parents, with and without ADHD children could identify with the mum-of-four when she says: “I’m not a bad parent, I know I’m not, it just takes that one moment where they show you up in public.”
“The thing I find hard,” agrees Rachael, “is people staring and tutting. If they could distract the child they would help the parent and ease the situation.”
One of the habits of Cara’s 13-year-old lad is to chatter constantly.
“He talks excessively and he talks rubbish. When he has not been medicated, he talks like a mobile phone with poor reception and words are missing,” she adds.
Words and orders can be taken literally. When told to write lines by a teacher, he wrote 1-10 down the page, then made a series of lines.
The behaviour of youngsters with ADHD can be annoying and frustrating. It is not necessarily anti-social. But without the right help and strategies, they can develop anti-social behaviour.
Rachael explains: “It is hard, but they can learn and do know the difference between right and wrong.” Her care advice applies to all children – and their parents.
“If you are constantly saying ‘that is wrong, don’t do that, don’t do this’ they will never listen. They don’t hear the word ‘don’t’.
“They need understanding and calm, but parents are only human and sometimes, saying things the 10th time can send you over the edge.”
She tries to explain how the mind of a hyperactive child works and it seems like an extended, uncontrollable adrenaline rush: “You get caught in a moment, in the energy of what you sense is around you. “If you go into a place and it is buzzing, you feed off that and it starts a chemical reaction and you get carried away.
“If someone says ‘jump off there’ sometimes, you don’t take a step back to think about it, you just do it. I have learned that I need a lot of exercise and drinking lots of water and eating decent food does help. Concentration is something very difficult to learn and we need to work together to develop a method to help them.
Because of the bullying their children suffer, both asked for their youngsters not to be identified.
“Bullying at school is the main issue. They have a tendency not to be able to interact with other children, or they go the other way and end up looking like the ringleader of a group.”
Cara adds: “My lad tries so hard to fit in, over-reacts and then cries.”
Making things better for the youngsters and easier for their parents is not a simple task, according to her. “There is not just one thing, there is so much we need help with.
The National Autistic Society and the ADHD charity ADISS are drawing closer links as both conditions share conditions such as Aspergers syndrome.
Cara said: “I think joining forces is a good idea if it means children with ADHD get more help and support, rather than get thought of as being naughty.”
Both agree that eating the right food is important and that cutting out E-numbers is important. “If I’m eating rubbish, I feel horrible and it makes me sluggish,” admits Rachael.Cara adds: “We all get stressed and we just want parents to know they are not the only ones.”
Remploy helps ADHD
- Staff at Remploy presented a cheque for over £700 to the group towards producing t-shirts to promote awareness of ADHD and fire safety. It was the fire service which introduced the support group to Remploy. The group are grateful for the "amazing community spirit" from those involved.
Working together:
Rachael Davies, holding picture from the ADHD support group. The group was invited to the Remploy Factory at Cleator Moor, to recieve a cheque for £703.50 from employee Liz Taylorson. Emplyees from the firm took part in various fund raising activities including a sponsored walk and a charity pub crawl.